I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
