So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
