I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
