my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
