my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
