my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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