i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
