they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
