My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
NoShamevember. You game?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize