I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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