Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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