I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
