i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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