Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
