Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
