I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she told me i tasted like america
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
