omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
