I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
