New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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