this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
