I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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