I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
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I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
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So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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