Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
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Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
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I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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