Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
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LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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