theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
