if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
