Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
