State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
