Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
