I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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