she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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