Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Come on in and take your pants off
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