I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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