ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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