I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
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As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
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The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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