She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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