when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You ate ashes out of my bong
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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