She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
