The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
