put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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