She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
