I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
