i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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