I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
