i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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