you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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