you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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