It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
