My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
