I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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