What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
