What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
