I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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