After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
