No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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