I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
