now i know why i became what i already was.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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