I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
