oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
