how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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