just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
