I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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