I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I puked a lego.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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