Just fell off a train. Bad.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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