i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
