Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
