Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
