I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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