i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
