When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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