please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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