I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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