i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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