just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
