Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
