I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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