so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
