you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
